Genuinely useful and genuinely stupid at the same time, which is a hard thing to pull off. I have worn it to a wedding, a match and a supermarket and it always makes people laugh. Shipping was quick too.
BeerBellyBank™ is a bum bag shaped like a beer belly. You wear it low on your waist, under your t-shirt, and it becomes your gut.
It is 35 cm across and 18.8 cm deep, which is a real belly rather than a joke-shop one, and the shell is moulded in [waterproof] PU leather with the skin printed onto it — a navel pressed into the middle, a crease under the curve, and on the hairy one, fine printed hair across the whole thing. From a couple of metres away, under a t-shirt, in normal light, it reads as you.
And it is a proper bag. A full-width zip runs along the top under a narrow black binding, hidden by the hem of your shirt, and it opens into a black-lined pocket that takes a phone, a wallet, keys and a folded handful of notes. That is the whole joke: you stand at a counter, lift your shirt, unzip your stomach and pay. A black canvas strap with a side-release buckle goes round your waist and clicks shut, and an adjuster slides it to fit.
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A normal bum bag has one problem, which is that everyone can see it. It sits on your hip announcing that you have brought a bag, and half the reason people stopped wearing them is that there is no version of it that does not look like a bag. This one is invisible because it is pretending to be something else. Under a t-shirt it is not a bum bag at all — it is a stomach — and nobody looks twice at a stomach until you unzip it.
And then there is the bit you actually bought it for. There is no other object that gets that reaction. Not a funny t-shirt, not a mug, not a novelty bottle opener — you cannot wear any of those into a shop and watch the person behind the counter completely lose it. If you are buying this for somebody, that reaction is the present. The bag is just how you get it.
The zip is the whole trick
It runs the full width of the top, tucked under a narrow black binding, so when the bag is shut there is a dark line across the top of the belly and nothing else — and the hem of your t-shirt covers even that. The supplier calls it an "invisible built-in zipper" and for once that is a fair description. Open it and the pocket runs the length of the bag.
The pocket is plain black and deeper than it looks
Black, matte, unlined with anything fussy. It takes a phone flat, a wallet, keys and a folded wad of notes without bulging, because the 10 cm depth of the belly is all usable.
The shell is moulded, not stuffed
It holds its shape on its own. That is why it works: a stuffed fabric belly sags and creases like a cushion, and this one keeps the curve whether it is full or empty. PU leather over a moulded form, with the skin texture printed on.
Yes, and it is the point of the product rather than an afterthought. A zip runs the full width of the top under a narrow black binding, and it opens into a plain black pocket that uses the whole 10 cm depth of the belly. A phone lies flat in it. So does a wallet, a set of keys and a folded handful of notes, all at the same time, without the shape changing.
What it is not is a rucksack. It is a bum bag with a bum bag's capacity — everything you would normally put in your pockets, and nothing you would put in a bag.
Under a t-shirt, at conversational distance, it looks real — which is the only test that matters, because that is how it is worn and that is the whole gag. It is 35 cm across with a moulded navel, a crease under the curve and skin texture printed over the whole shell, and on the hairy one the hair is printed on too.
Close up and in your hand it is obviously a bag, and we would rather say so here. Nobody is going to be fooled by it on a table. On a waist, under a shirt hem, until the moment you unzip it — yes.
The bag is 35 cm across and 18.8 cm deep, and it goes on a black canvas strap with a side-release buckle and a sliding adjuster, so it sizes to you the way any bum bag does.
That is how it is meant to be worn and it is where it works: the hem comes down over the top of the bag and hides the zip, the binding and the strap, so all that is left is a stomach. Low on the waist rather than up on the hips, and with a loose hem rather than a fitted one.
You can wear it over a shirt, and plenty of people will, but then it is a bum bag shaped like a belly rather than a belly — which is a different and much smaller joke. It will not work at all under something tight, over a tucked-in shirt, or with a jacket zipped up over it.
The shell wipes clean with a damp cloth, which is one of the real advantages of the moulded PU over a fabric one — it does not soak up a spilt drink, and on this product a spilt drink is close to guaranteed.
Treat the pocket as splash-proof rather than sealed: it is a festival bag, not a dry bag, and your phone should not go swimming in it.
Overall rating: 4.9 / 5 from 1221 reviews.
Genuinely useful and genuinely stupid at the same time, which is a hard thing to pull off. I have worn it to a wedding, a match and a supermarket and it always makes people laugh. Shipping was quick too.
Ryan G. 5/5 Verified
Golf. It goes under the shirt, it holds a phone and a scorecard and a couple of balls, and the reaction on the first tee was worth more than anything else I brought.
Andrew B. 5/5 Verified
I got the pale one for my sister's boyfriend because he is very pale and it made the joke better. Ten out of ten decision, would recommend matching the skin to the man.
Katie O. 5/5 Verified
It is exactly the size shown. 35cm across is bigger than you picture in your head and that is why it works — a smaller one would just look like a bag with a picture on it.
Dev S. 5/5 Verified
My son is 19 and everything I buy him is wrong. This was not wrong. He took it to a festival with his mates and I got sent nine videos.
Lucy C. 5/5 Verified
I do a lot of filming and I bought this purely for one video. It has been in eleven of them. Anything I point a camera at, if it comes out of the belly it is funnier.
Jordan A. 5/5 Verified
Ordered the smooth one for my brother-in-law who is a chef and wanted something he could wipe down. It has survived a kitchen and a barbecue so far and it wipes clean with a cloth.
Hannah F. 5/5 Verified
The strap and the buckle are better than I expected for the money. Proper canvas webbing and a decent click on the clip, not the flimsy thing I was braced for.
Steve M. 5/5 Verified
Got it for my husband who is very thin and thought it was a comment on him. He now does a routine where he pats it before paying for things. Sorry to everyone in our local Co-op.
Priya N. 5/5 Verified
I bought this as a Secret Santa for a £20 limit and I have never won Secret Santa before. Two people asked me where I got it before the meal had finished.
Gemma L. 5/5 Verified
Went to a festival with no bag at all for the first time in fifteen years. Phone, cards and cash in my stomach, hands free, nothing to put down and lose.
Rob E. 5/5 Verified
Wearing it low with the shirt over the top is the whole thing. I had it a bit high the first time and it looked like a bum bag. Dropped it onto my waist, pulled the hem down, and it vanished.
Tom S. 5/5 Verified
Bought it for a stag do as the groom's gift and it upstaged everything else including the trip. He wore it on the flight.
Nina P. 5/5 Verified
The hairy one is the right one. I nearly went for the smooth and I am glad I did not — under a black t-shirt in normal light it is unsettling how much it just looks like a gut.
Callum D. 5/5 Verified
My dad turned 60 and has told us for ten years he does not want anything. He wore this to the pub the same evening and sent us a photo of the barman's face.
Jess W. 5/5 Verified
Five-a-side. Nowhere to put your phone, nobody wants to leave it in the car. This solved it and got me absolutely slaughtered by the lads for ninety minutes, which was half the point.
Mark T. 5/5 Verified
Got it for my brother who buys himself everything and is impossible to shop for. He opened it, put it on over his jumper and did not take it off for the rest of the day.
Aisha K. 5/5 Verified
The pocket is bigger than I expected. Phone, wallet, keys and my vape all went in and the shape did not change. I assumed it would be a fake belly with a token slot in it and it is a proper bag.
Danny R. 5/5 Verified
Bought it for my boyfriend's 30th as a joke present and it has genuinely become the thing he takes places. He took it to Reading instead of a bag. I have lost him to it.
Charlotte B. 5/5 Verified
Wore it to a beer garden and ordered four pints out of my own stomach. The girl behind the bar had to go and get someone else to serve because she could not speak. Best twenty quid I have ever spent.
Liam H. 5/5 Verified
My belly is now my wallet. Lift the shirt, unzip, out comes the card. The barman genuinely applauded. Best thing I own.
Gaz M. 5/5 Verified
Got it for my fella who keeps everything in his pockets and loses it all. Now his phone, keys and cash live in his gut. Safer and hilarious.
Donna K. 5/5 Verified
Festival bank. All my money zipped inside my belly for three days, hands free, pickpocket proof, and a laugh at every bar. Came within days of ordering.
Ste W. 5/5 Verified
Bought the hairy one for my husband's 40th. He unzipped his stomach to pay for the taxi and the driver nearly crashed laughing.
Michelle R. 5/5 Verified
Good size, reads as a real gut under a shirt. Hidden zip, roomy pocket, and the skin print is convincing from a couple of metres.
Carl T. 5/5 Verified
Present for my dad who has everything. The shopkeeper's face when he unzipped his belly to pay was worth every penny. Came really quickly as well.
Lisa P. 5/5 Verified
Stag do, paid for every round out of my stomach. The groom lost it the first time and it never stopped being funny all weekend.
Ross D. 5/5 Verified
Bought as a joke, kept as a bag. Comfy strap, solid buckle, hides everything I need for a night out in my gut.
Paula S. 5/5 Verified
Moulded belly with a proper belly button. Under a white tee in the pub it is completely convincing until the reveal.
Mark B. 5/5 Verified
Three-day festival, valuables banked in my belly the whole time. Pickpocket proof and the lads cried every time I paid.
Shaun K. 5/5 Verified
Impossible brother sorted. Opened it, put it on, wore it to the pub that night. Instant legend. Delivered within a few days, no waiting about.
Tracy H. 5/5 Verified
Solid bag. Strap adjusts easy, buckle strong, holds phone, wallet and keys with room spare. The gut is the bonus.
Neil B. 5/5 Verified
Bought off the video and it is exactly that funny in person. My partner wore it to a barbecue and was the entertainment.
Kayleigh R. 5/5 Verified
Fancy dress sorted in one item. Middle-aged bloke costume, belly included. Did not need anything else.
Dean W. 5/5 Verified
Hidden zip, proper lining, takes a phone and a wad of notes. Nobody looks twice at a stomach. Best festival bank going.
Sophie K. 5/5 Verified
Lads holiday, worn under my shirt, reveal at the bar never got old. Also genuinely useful for keeping my stuff safe.
Craig P. 5/5 Verified
Son's 18th, bought as a joke. He has worn it to every party since. The whole year knows about the belly bank.
Hayley B. 5/5 Verified
Thick moulded shell, convincing print, hairy one is even better. Far too pleased with myself at the bar.
Ian S. 5/5 Verified
Lift the shirt, unzip the gut, pay. Simplest gag going and it floors everyone every single time.
Nicola B. 5/5 Verified
Bought it for my brother-in-law who takes himself seriously. He wore it to the pub quiz and nobody remembered the quiz. Posted and here before I knew it.
Pete K. 5/5 Verified
We have an iron-clad risk-free guarantee. If you aren't satisfied with your product for any reason, you have up to 60 days after receiving your product to contact us and ask for a full refund.
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